Week 1 Recap
Standings
Week one is in the books! If it felt like there just weren’t any points being scored, you were right. Per X, that was the fewest touchdowns ever.
How many? 33
The last time they scored this few TDs was…last year, when the NFL managed 37 TDs. Before that, they were averaging 57 TDs in Week 1. Maybe the teams should have more starters playing in the preseason or something, because that is straight terrible football.
No. We are certainly NOT entertained. Especially by the Bengals and their frosted-tips, Slim Sheisty, mid-life crisis at 27 QB.
Don’t even get me started on Ja’Marr Chase.
Player of the Week: Jake Moody
Here are the top three performing players this week
- Saquon Barkley, RB: 31.2
- Jayden Daniels, QB: 26.16
- Jake Moody, K: 26
Who TF is Jake Moody?
When he was at Michigan, he broke Desmond Howards single-season scoring record. Then he almost sealed a victory for JB on Monday Night Football. Jake Moody is HIM. Altough he might want to talk to his barber, he’s got a very Gaston hair/chin combo going on.
Watch out JB, Shannon might be throwing you a trade offer!
Team of the Week: The Schitt List
Apparently, Samantha took that 3-time DFL status personally. There wasn’t a single team that could have beaten her this week. She also had enough points on her bench to almost beat Julian singlehandedly.
Per the power-rankings, there isn’t a ton of separation between her, myself, Erik, and Megan - but…when TD totals are that low and she still almost hits 100, we’re in trouble.
To quote Sloane “MY HOUSE!”
Matchup of the Week: Jon vs Morgan
The best fantasy matchup was our version of THE BIG Game. Morgan’s THE Team Buckeyes vs Jon’s Older Butt Wiser.
Morgan’s QB was on fire and Mike Evans managed to catch two of the best TD’s I saw this weekend. Bijan FINALLY showed up after an entire season of disappointment and the rest of the team was fine.
Actually, three superstars + a bunch of role players that are supposed to be good, but end up just looking like everyone else…hmm, kinda sounds like the Buckeyes when they were coached by this guy.
Meanwhile, Jon started out slow. Probably because his Wolverines caught some Texas-sized hands on Saturday on their way almost out of the Top 25. The standout performances from Rashid Shaeed and the Steelers Defense were just enough to overcome a pretty underperforming week.
Jon took the W. Harbaugh is pleased.
Manager Stats
Nothing really of note in this category. Oh wait.
Bench En Fuego: OMG WHO DO I PICK (Ryan)
Ryan gets Bench En Fuego this week! His backups scored 91% of his starters. It wouldn’t have been enough for a win, but it would have probably been more fun to experience than watching Davante Adams catch a cold and Drake London run around in a circle while Kirk Cousins hops on one leg.
Honorable Mention: THE TEAM BUCKEYES (Morgan)
18.8 points and the W were right there! Xavier Worthy is now a starter. Zamir White is probably not a starter.
Schedule Notes
We have a good Thursday Night Football matchup: Bills / Dolphins! Will it actually be a good game? Probably not. Thursday Night Football sucks.
SNF will be a battle of Hard Knocks: Bears vs Texans.
Falcons vs Eagles on MNF could get ugly. I’m not entirely confident Kirk Cousins makes it out of this one with two healthy ankles.